The Bar Butterfly

Anyone who works in hospitality will recognise that ubiquitous creature the barfly, propping up the bar whilst pouring huge quantities of booze down their perennially babbling trap, are the tell-tale characteristics of this never extinct specie.

But this is not about the barfly; this article is about a far more extensive creature, but no less deadly or dreary than the barfly. This article is about the bar butterfly, in all its many habitats and guises.

From pub locals in suburbia, to downtown big city bars, the bar butterfly, once hatched, has a long and delusional shelf life running from late teens to (particularly in males) 60's. The bar butterfly is that annoying type of poser found in bar's the world over.

Here are some of the more prevalent sub-species:

The Country Pub Bore Lording over the recently refurbished gastro pub of middle England is the 50 to 60 something bar butterfly. Not only do they think they own the pub, but they also think that they own the village. The hectoring voice comes from one who has earned a lot of money from either living in the city and moving rural once it's made it, or owning a business(generally that of a trade) that has somehow struck lucky. Don't expect them to move away from the bar for you to order a drink (don't you know, they own it), but then again don't take it to heart - their lesser alpha mates are all just hanging round for free drinks.

The City Centre Wine Bar Fake Twenty-something posers of both genders, their appearance has been preened for several hours before deporting to their mating ground. Males vie for the attention of more attractive female's using several techniques, usually making smaller males appear smaller and pecking at less coiffured female's. Many of this species were born devoid of personality instead extra genes attributed to muscle (in males) or size 8 figures (in females). They have been known to frequent their chosen habitat until well into their 40's.

The Hoxton Art Lounger Not just found in Hoxton, but this area of London is the perfect example of this creature's habitat. Either an artist or desperate to be one, this type of the specie is so cool it hurts to touch. Vintage clothed, Apple clad, I Phone in hand, they aren't the starved artist that they claim to be. Like all of these sub species they are territorial, and if you ain't cool enough to be on their turf, they'll let you know about it. Their call goes something like: "jug of tap water please," particularly when there's a huge cue.

The Sport Club Big Red So called because of the characteristic red face, thick neck and shaved head. This solely male creature knows-it-all about sport and although not a homosexual sub-specie, one characteristic is a lot of man-on-man love. The mating call is lewd (sorry, spell check - loud), and the attraction prowess to females is legendary.

So, the habitat of the bar butterflies, be careful not to become to attached to one particular haunt, don't you know a caterpillar like you or me, could become one.

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